“In the end we only regret the chances we didn’t take.” – Unknown
Panama was my first time traveling solo. Previously I either traveled for work, where it was all organized by someone else and mostly domestic travel, or I traveled with my boyfriend or family. This trip was all me from the start. I applied to volunteer, I organized all my travel and I went at it alone.
Why am I writing this? Because I want you to know that you can do it too. It is my hope that it inspires you to get out of your comfort zone. I think you will find yourself pleasantly surprised with the outcome.
Now, where was I? Oh yes. Firsts. This trip was full of firsts. My first-time traveling solo, my first stay at a hostel, my first-time sleeping in a hammock, and my first-time bathing in a river. Needless to say, I had just a little apprehension and anxiety. Though, I have to admit, it was also a little thrilling.
I know, some of you are thinking, oh give me a break it’s not that big of a deal. But it was, at least for me. I kind of felt like I had something to prove, to myself, and to others. So many people said, “I could never do that, I could never travel somewhere alone” and I always wondered what the big deal was? What was holding them back?
But as I began planning I started feeling a tightness in my gut worrying that I couldn’t do it. Having panic attacks every time I thought I had it all figured out, then realizing I had missed a step. I was so worried about missing some key part and being left in the proverbial cold with no help. That’s what was holding so many back, that underlying fear.
Taking deep breaths and pushing those fears aside, I decided to just let it all unfold naturally. I told myself that even the best laid plans can go awry but it will be worth it. Bumps and all. It all started off without a hitch, I managed to take two trains to the airport and then fly to Panama.
Feeling confident I strolled to the baggage claim, thinking, “I got this. This is easy.” Then reality hit me in the face and said, “Whoa, not so fast chickie.” The airline forgot to transfer my luggage in Chicago. So, here I was in a new country without a change of clothes (my bag did eventually arrive, about 1 hour before being whisked off to Bocas on a 10-hour bus ride).
Pushing this aside, since it was out of my control, I took a cab to my hostel. I have to admit, I have never stayed in a hostel. So many people do it without even a second thought, but I had never had the opportunity to even try. I had envisioned groups of travelers coming together, making friends, sharing travel stories, and honestly, partying. Not that I was looking to party, it was just what I pictured happened.
It did seem like there was a strong sense of comradery and a general openness in the hostels I stayed in. They were also surprisingly clean, the scent of freshly bleached sheets tingling my nose as I entered my room. I stayed in rooms of 4-6 and did not have a single bad experience in either. People readily introduced themselves and were genuinely interested in my story. Though I don’t think I got the full feel of those places because I was there for such a short period of time.
I was surprised by the openness and kindness of the people at the hostels as well as the people I met during my stay. Though in many situations, the people of Panama new little to no English, resulting in an extended game of charades and some serious Spanglish. In the end, however, we always figured it out.
In Panama, and in other countries, I was always moderately suspicious of people who came under the guise of trying the help. But to my pleasant surprise, everyone I encountered truly just wanted to help. They weren’t looking for money or anything in return.
One example of this, was while wandering around the bus terminal awaiting my departure to Bocas del Toro. I was approached by an elderly gentleman, who spoke English remarkably well. He gave me a kindly smile and asked if I needed help. Then he proceeded to guide me to the nearest kiosk to load the card that paid for the buses.
As he showed me what to do he asked the usual barrage of questions. Where was I from, what was I doing in Panama, how long was I staying, did I see the canal? I was certain he wanted something in return. But as soon as he finished helping me, he wished me safe travels and walked off. I was stunned by how inherently good people are if you give them the chance.
I also met some really inspiring people along the way. People I wish to emulate. Prior to me arriving at the aforementioned bus terminal, another traveler at my hostel offered to show me how to get there. He was traveling from Switzerland on a 4-month holiday in which he started in Antarctica of all the incredible places.
As I listened to the places he had been in absolute awe, my mouth hanging open practically salivating, I found out he had that first part planned but then had just an idea of how he wanted to spend the remainder of his time. Nothing else was booked ahead, he just knew he wanted to make his way further north until he reached Mexico, where his journey would end, and he would fly home.
He had such an ease about him, as though he belonged in Panama. It was so casual, he just melded with the rest of society standing there on the bus in his white bowler hat, light and airy dress shirt and khaki pants. He looked just like one of those explorers you see in old movies. I couldn’t help but envy him just a little, with all his vacation time and freedom to just travel for 4 months at such a relaxed pace. It was kind of mind blowing. I wanted that.
Solo travel gives you the opportunity to open up to experiences in ways you just can’t when you travel with others. It is entirely on you to get out there and experience a place and a culture. To meet people and try new things. This can be really challenging for some, myself included. But if you allow yourself to push fear aside and just go for it, that’s when the magic happens. Where you meet some of the most inspiring people, learn and grow as a person, and have experiences that will change your entire perspective on the life you live.
Overall, traveling solo taught me that I was stronger than I thought. I felt like the person I really am emerged, not a veterinarian, a girlfriend, a daughter, just me. Raw and real. I was able to really put myself out there. It didn’t matter where I came from, what material items I had, I was dirty, sweaty and probably smelled a bit, but I had never felt more alive.
Going alone gave me that perspective and I feel differently now that I am back home. I saw something in myself and others I never expected. It gave me a whole new perspective. Things that used to get under my skin before seeming to be a waste of my time and energy.
Don’t let fear control you and make decisions for you. People have told me my whole life that I wasn’t strong enough, smart enough, capable enough (not in so many words but the vibe was there) and each time I fought against it. It has opened more doors and opportunities than I can even express.
When you have a passion or a dream of going somewhere, trying something, ignore those around you who try to tell you otherwise. If you take that step I think you will surprise yourself with what you are capable of and what others can teach you. I know I surprised myself and will continue to do so because I’m worth it and so are you.
